What Is It Like Growing Up With a Therapist Parent? An 18-Year-Old’s Honest Take

Episode 34: Behind the Therapy Door

This article draws on a conversation between therapists Sarah Thome and Matt Gallagher. Listen to the full episode for the stories behind the takeaways.

Your mom reads people for a living. She knows every communication model, every distress pattern, every way a conversation can go sideways. She can spot a defense mechanism before you finish the sentence. What is it actually like growing up with a therapist parent?

Related: About Sarah and Matt.

Who Is Dalton Thome and Why Is He on the Podcast?

Dalton Thome is Sarah Thome’s 18-year-old son, an Imaginer base personality heading to college. He joins his mom, Sarah Thome, LSCSW, and Matt Gallagher, LCPC, to talk about what it is like being the kid of a therapist. In Process Communication Model® terms he is base Imaginer, phase Rebel, with a strong Promoter floor. Sarah is a Harmonizer, and the two of them are, in her words, “very opposite.”

The result is funny, revealing, and surprisingly insightful. Dalton does not hold back about the awkward parts, the benefits he has absorbed almost without noticing, and the moments when having a therapist mom is more annoying than helpful, like the hugs.

Related: PCM® personality types overview.

What Is It Like Having a Therapist Mom Who Talks to Everyone?

Dalton’s answer is immediate: “That’s why I don’t go with her anymore.” Sarah’s gift for connection, the same skill that makes her an effective therapist, means she can walk into a store, start talking to a stranger, and come away with their entire life story. Her husband Scott has developed a strategy: “No eye contact. I need your back facing the people.”

That warmth is a gift. In a random store, though, with a hungry 18-year-old standing there thinking, “I want to leave. Let me leave,” it is the reason he stopped tagging along.

Related: Communication styles in relationships.

How Does PCM® Show Up in a Therapist’s Family?

Therapy comes up almost every day at the Thome dinner table, because Sarah brings home stories (with no identifying details). Dalton’s takeaway: “I could never do this.” His instinct would be to tell people to just get over it. As for PCM®, it has not been especially annoying or helpful to him: “Maybe it’s just given me good insight.”

The clearest example of how opposite they are is hugs. Sarah wants them. Dalton has zero issues hugging other people, by his account: “It’s just you.” Even as a baby he hated being cuddled or swaddled. Harmonizer, his mom’s base, sits at the top of his own personality structure at maybe 15%.

What Does an Imaginer Personality Type Look Like in a Teenager?

Base Imaginers are only about 10% of the North American population, so when Dalton insists he is different, he is partly right. He is introverted and can put his head down and grind (“If everyone were like me, we would have cured cancer by now”). The snark and jokes come from his Rebel phase. Asked why he wants better social skills, his answer is practical: “because they would make my life easier.”

For parents watching a quiet, introverted teenager and wondering if something is wrong, the Imaginer personality type is a useful lens. A preference for solitude is not a sign that a teen is broken or antisocial. Imaginers process internally, need time and space, and often engage best when given clear, simple direction rather than pressure.

• Imaginer communication: reflective internal processing and a need for protected solitude
• Social preferences: smaller groups, purposeful interaction, low stimulation

Related: Why won’t my partner tell me what they want?.

What Are the Benefits of Growing Up With a Therapist Parent?

The main advantage, by his own account, is better emotional insight, “more of an unconscious thing I’ve just absorbed after 18 years of being around this person.” On dates, it has helped to ask his mom, “What do I do? How do I approach this situation?” His therapy vocabulary? “Very basic. I choose to tune you out most of the time.”

He also learns from the sidelines. Overhearing his parents talk about his dad letting go of some control at work “hit home.” His mom sees a sponge. He sees eavesdropping, which got him in trouble as a kid.

What Is the Hardest Part of Having a Therapist as a Parent?

The hardest part, per Dalton: “You want too many hugs.” Underneath the jokes, he is hard on himself. He competes with his own score, gets mad when he loses to himself, and has called a B-plus a failure. His parents are not trying to kill that drive. The coaching is simpler: don’t hate yourself when you struggle.

The same idea Sarah applies to her own client work, and shared with her husband about his, applies to Dalton too: you can only control yourself, so do your best and let go of the rest.

Related: How to navigate family dynamics.

“Awareness is also a big ingredient of adulting.”

Sarah Thome, Behind the Therapy Door

What Does the Transition to College Look Like for an Imaginer Personality?

Dalton is heading to college in Lawrence with full-blown senioritis: “I’m ready for a change.” Sarah sees that as a necessary launching. A kid who loved every minute of high school and was weepy about leaving would have a harder time going.

What he wants from his parents is the bare minimum: no daily check-ins (“I will block you”), care packages dropped off owl-post style, or better yet, Venmo. Matt reads that saltiness as the sign of a secure kid who knows he is accepted. The watch-out: refusing all help is an overplay, so the goal is letting support in, in small doses.

Related: Communication strategies for parents of teens.

Frequently Asked Questions