How Much Should Your Therapist Share With You? The Art of Self-Disclosure in Therapy

Episode 33: Behind the Therapy Door

This article draws on a conversation between therapists Sarah Thome and Matt Gallagher. Listen to the full episode for the stories behind the takeaways.

Your therapist just said something personal. Maybe they mentioned their own kids, admitted they have been through something similar, or laughed about making the same mistake you are describing. It felt human. It felt connecting. But was this kind of therapist self-disclosure appropriate? And if it was, where is the line?

Related: About Sarah and Matt.

What Is Self-Disclosure in Therapy and Why Does It Matter?

Self-disclosure is the deliberate sharing of personal information by a therapist during a session. It is not oversharing. It is not making the session about them. When done skillfully, it normalizes the client’s experience and builds the kind of genuine rapport that rigid professional distance cannot replicate.

On Episode 33 of Behind the Therapy Door, Sarah Thome and Matt Gallagher, both licensed therapists and certified PCM® trainers, unpack how they navigate this nuanced clinical skill. Their conversation reveals that self-disclosure is less about rules and more about reading the person in front of you.

Related: What is the Process Communication Model®?.

How Do Therapists Decide What to Share and What to Keep Private?

The answer depends on the client, the moment, and the therapeutic relationship. Sarah describes it as an “artistic dance”: you are juggling multiple factors with every person, and the song changes because clients change, even week to week.

Key principles both therapists follow:

• Share enough to normalize, not so much that the focus shifts to the therapist
• Different clients need different levels of transparency; some want to know their therapist is human, while others prefer professional boundaries
• Self-disclosure is a form of compassion, not a form of friendship
• Always ask yourself: is this for the client or for me?

Matt frames appropriate self-disclosure as modeling vulnerability. When a therapist says “I have been through something similar” or “I struggle with that too,” it gives the client permission to be imperfect. Clients frequently respond with “I am so glad I am not the only one.”

Related: PCM® personality types overview.

What Does Oversharing Look Like in a Therapy Session?

Oversharing is when the therapist’s personal information shifts the session’s emotional center of gravity. The client starts managing the therapist’s feelings instead of exploring their own. Sarah and Matt describe several warning signs.

• The therapist talks about their own problems without connecting it back to the client’s work
• The client feels obligated to comfort or reassure the therapist
• The therapist shares details about their personal life that serve no therapeutic purpose
• The session becomes about the therapist’s experience rather than the client’s growth

Matt describes how he often tells clients he does not want to make it about himself, but he remembers struggling with the same things when his own kids were little, and clients frequently tell him how normalizing that is. The intention behind the disclosure determines whether it builds or erodes trust.

How Does PCM® Personality Type Affect What a Client Needs From Their Therapist?

PCM® gives therapists a framework for reading what each client actually needs in the room, not just defaulting to whatever feels natural for the therapist’s own personality type. Sarah notes that even the same client changes week to week, so what felt connecting on Tuesday might feel intrusive on Friday.

Related: How PCM® communication channels work.

“Self-disclosure is an artistic dance. The song is always changing because clients change.”

— Sarah Thome, LSCSW

What Should You Expect From Your Therapist Regarding Personal Sharing?

If you are a therapy client wondering whether your therapist’s personal sharing is appropriate, here are some benchmarks.

• Their sharing should feel normalizing, not burdensome
• You should never feel like you need to take care of your therapist’s feelings
• The conversation should always come back to your work, your growth, your goals
• It is perfectly okay to tell your therapist if their sharing feels like too much or not enough, because good therapists welcome that feedback

Matt emphasizes that the therapeutic space should be a “sure thing,” consistent, safe, and predictable. Self-disclosure, when done well, reinforces that safety rather than disrupting it.

Related: What does starting therapy feel like?.

How Does Self-Disclosure Build the Therapeutic Relationship?

On the podcast, Sarah and Matt describe the therapeutic relationship as the biggest healing factor in therapy. As Sarah puts it, a non-anxious, non-judgmental presence is what allows someone to do the hard work. Self-disclosure is one of the tools that builds that relationship.

When Matt tells a client “I don’t want to make this about me, but I remember struggling with that too,” he is not processing his own feelings. He is giving the client permission to be imperfect, to be messy, to be human. That permission is often the single most therapeutic thing that happens in a session.

Related: Why the therapeutic relationship matters more than the method.

What Can Young Therapists Learn About Self-Disclosure?

Both Sarah and Matt acknowledge that self-disclosure is harder early in your career. You are still finding your therapeutic voice, your confidence is building, and the line between appropriate and inappropriate feels ambiguous.

Their advice: start conservative, pay attention to what connects, and ask your clients directly. “Does this feel like a healthy balance?” is a question that invites collaboration and models the kind of open communication therapy is supposed to teach.

Related: PCM® training for therapists.

Frequently Asked Questions